The Could, Should and Would Haves

And so I sit in my room, every day, before I go to bed, regardless of who I'm with in it, thinking about what the fuck am I doing with my life. Who am I, anyway? Some people see me as this nice, devoted guy, good friend, an inspiring person, but all I see is a lost cause - a man without knowledge, friends or purpose, a man without a home.

I realized that my connections to people I used to call friends are completely severed. No one has left. Some of them still try to communicate with me but they are not my friends. I have no friends. You don't hurt your friends with your actions, and your friends don't hurt you. Your friends don't bore you or misunderstand what you are trying to say. Your friends don't just erase you from their lives.

And so I vegetate, I moved to my small village, I hardly even leave the house, I am working, looking for another job and studying, also playing games whenever I can catch a breath. I'm getting fat and disgusting and enjoying my solitude. And this cave I live in is no home of mine. A home of mine was evicted a few days ago and with it, a new era has started. An era without a home, an era of rootlessness. How long can I survive this?