I'm supposed to be having the time of my life right now. I am in a city where I actually feel at home, with people I love, a language I adore and without a care in the world. But since it's all so temporary, I can't stop believing that it's all a castle made of sand. A castle that I don't deserve at all.
I've been ungrateful for so long that I can't really enjoy being happy anymore. I constantly feel like the end is breathing down my neck and every time I stay alone I can't shake the feeling that I'm the only one who's a constant, the only boulder in the desert. There is so much sand around me and all I'm left with is a hope that one day the forces of nature will pressure some of that sand into a bolder so that I wouldn't feel so fucking abandoned and alone.
The choices I'm supposed to make are supposed to be easy and without question, but I can't decide on anything anymore because all I am certain about is that I am in no position to decide on anything because I don't deserve anything that I have. Nothing I have is truly mine.
I've been ungrateful for so long that I can't really enjoy being happy anymore. I constantly feel like the end is breathing down my neck and every time I stay alone I can't shake the feeling that I'm the only one who's a constant, the only boulder in the desert. There is so much sand around me and all I'm left with is a hope that one day the forces of nature will pressure some of that sand into a bolder so that I wouldn't feel so fucking abandoned and alone.
The choices I'm supposed to make are supposed to be easy and without question, but I can't decide on anything anymore because all I am certain about is that I am in no position to decide on anything because I don't deserve anything that I have. Nothing I have is truly mine.
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